These thoughts don’t stop

Won’t stop

Can’t stop

Never stop

 

These thoughts make me do things

Things I wouldn’t normally do

Like cry in the middle of class

Or hide in the bathroom when people are in the halls

Or take a compliment and turn it into an insult.

 

These thoughts make me want to bury myself in a hole.

Make me want to scream and never say anything all at once

These thoughts make me cold

Physically

Bundled up in sweatshirts

Still my hands are blue.

These thoughts make me cold

Socially.

Make me want to stay home and curl myself into a ball and never go outside

Because I’m so goddamn ashamed.

 

These thoughts make me run

Run to a safer place

Run to stop thinking

Run to burn calories

 

These thoughts keep me awake when I should be sleeping

Make me overthink the next day

What happened today

Why I’m not normal

Why I can’t just be like everyone else.

 

These thoughts landed me in a hospital

Bracelet on

Prisoner

No shower curtain rings because they thought you would hang yourself

Hospital

Weight and vitals

Hospital

Group therapy

Hospital

 

These thoughts

Make me feel alone and like I am with a best friend at the same time

A best friend

Who tries to drive you to insanity

A best friend

Who wants you to disappear into a thin image

A best friend

Who will compare you to every other person on earth and ask you

WHY ARE YOU NOT LIKE THAT?!?!?!

 

These thoughts convince me

That if I do what they command,

They will leave

Stop talking

But they never do

They just get stronger

 

These thoughts

Won’t stop

Can’t stop

Never stop.