Inside this mind of mine
These thoughts don’t stop
Won’t stop
Can’t stop
Never stop
These thoughts make me do things
Things I wouldn’t normally do
Like cry in the middle of class
Or hide in the bathroom when people are in the halls
Or take a compliment and turn it into an insult.
These thoughts make me want to bury myself in a hole.
Make me want to scream and never say anything all at once
These thoughts make me cold
Physically
Bundled up in sweatshirts
Still my hands are blue.
These thoughts make me cold
Socially.
Make me want to stay home and curl myself into a ball and never go outside
Because I’m so goddamn ashamed.
These thoughts make me run
Run to a safer place
Run to stop thinking
Run to burn calories
These thoughts keep me awake when I should be sleeping
Make me overthink the next day
What happened today
Why I’m not normal
Why I can’t just be like everyone else.
These thoughts landed me in a hospital
Bracelet on
Prisoner
No shower curtain rings because they thought you would hang yourself
Hospital
Weight and vitals
Hospital
Group therapy
Hospital
These thoughts
Make me feel alone and like I am with a best friend at the same time
A best friend
Who tries to drive you to insanity
A best friend
Who wants you to disappear into a thin image
A best friend
Who will compare you to every other person on earth and ask you
WHY ARE YOU NOT LIKE THAT?!?!?!
These thoughts convince me
That if I do what they command,
They will leave
Stop talking
But they never do
They just get stronger
These thoughts
Won’t stop
Can’t stop
Never stop.