I used to be scared of the devil.

I would hide behind psalms 23 , Matthew 5: 13, psalms 121, verses I was force fed and swallowed up as I child.

I would hide behind Sunday school lessons, scripture readings and daily devotions to my lord and savior. 

I used to be scared of the devil.

So I hid behind God.

I used to be scared of the devil.

Until I met her.

The monster under my bed, somehow became the monster in my bed.

She kissed me, and I kissed her back before I even had time to remember that I was straight. I am Straight.

The straight lines I drew for myself became blurred with each and every kiss. I found my straight lines angling with the arch in my back, the curves of her hips, crumbling under our weight.

We were Bathing in sin. 

Dripping, sipping, the juice of forbidden fruit. Sweet, sweat.....

 

I fell in love with the devil.

 The devil is a bitch, but I loved her from her head to her toes. we made love for all the angels to see, they were made to bare witness, God opened them gates and we fell together, bound to the pits of the earth. Her body was made for me, mine for her, from my veins to my nerves, she knew every curve. 

Her hair, jet black, always coiled around my neck, slithered into knots, ready to noose, we f'ed like we had nothing to loose. Her lips, thirsty for execution, drank from my pool of sins, and never stopped. Her skin, smooth to the taste, a fragrant delicacy. She'd grip my waist and we'd feel each other. Skin to skin, hand in hand, mouth to mouth, we'd taste. Hate. Agony. Envy. Jealously. everything I was never allowed to. With her, I was free.  Blackened from the ash we kissed into existence,  her obsidian skin spoke of a  darkness , a shade I always found in myself, i finally found someone as dark as me. 

 

I found My screams licking the ceilings. Drunken mispronounciations,  chants and incantations, the Genesis of revelations, we made fire. So this is what hell would be like.

We were drunk, drunk in... Lust. An infatuation with the female anatomy. Twisting and contorting my sexuality, lost in Immorality,  lying to myself because in actuality, THIS is who I am.

I grew up fearing the monsters under my bed and in my closet, not knowing that they were just like me, angels too afraid to live in the light.

 

As I walk away from the mic today, I'll be received with applause and congratulations and a series of numbers that will never adequately judge the quality of my words.

I will also be received with side eyes, awkward hugs, and puzzled looks from those who thought they knew me.

I will be received with .... Bible verses and long prayers and parents who will never understand, parents who don't want to understand.

I will be received by people who refuse to associate themselves with such "foolishness". "evil" "the work of the devil".

And that's okay. I used to be scared of the devil too.