My grades define me.

And don't say they don't.

I have dreams and ambitions bigger than my ancestors wildest dreams, yet with every test I get smaller.

I get smaller for the fact that I am losing this race which I did not want to be apart of in the first place.

I'm trying to hang on to these ropes and cling to the hope that one day I will be able to recover.

But I try.

And I try.

I go to tutoring.

I watch videos, but nothing is working.

Nothing is working because my situation is hopeless. 

My grades define me. 

I am my grades.

If my grades fail, I will also fail. 

I will let down generations who came before me and generations who came after me. 

The generations I was supposed to pave a pathway for. 

And I failed.

I failed to pass my classes, and I sit crying about it like the tears that drop from my cheeks might efface the failure from my name.

The transcript that stays with me.

The GPA on my diploma that stays with me.

The letters to the "smarty party" I was never able to hang up.

The straight As on my report card I was never able to show.

 

It is hard living when your grades define you.

I look at others living their lives care free, grades are not a factor in their happiness;

However, grades, are a major part of me.