I cannot save myself. It’s funny that this is how I begin my story, as I used to struggle to understand what I even needed to be saved from. Doesn’t this testify to the faithfulness of God to answer our prays and cries? A couple years ‘wiser’ and a thousand more failures under my belt and I am all too familiar with what this need refers to. I have become acquainted with the darkest parts of myself – parts of anger, lust, apathy, envy, irresponsibility – and I have failed in my ability to tame them on my own. These qualities have come forward and defined my life; created me to be someone who is short tempered, sexually tainted, and overridden with fear. So, there’s that elusive answer I was searching for long ago. What I need to be saved from is myself and the life that I have created. Wordily logic leads me to believe that I have made my bed and I must lie in; that my choices are the end of my story and that the meaning of my life is no more than sum of its ill-wrought parts.

Praise the LORD for His mercy and grace that defies my logic.

Paul writes in Romans 7:24 a question– “Who will rescue me..?” In these four words I find the cry of my heart. Who will rescue me from the circumstances I have placed myself in? Who will rescue me from the consequences of my actions? Who will rescue me from my fear and pain and regret? For the longest time I have known the answer is Christ but I have acted as if it was myself. I have used a “pick-yourself-up-by-the-bootstraps” mentality, trying day after day to bring peace through my own means without an ounce of success to my name. Dealing with these shortcomings myself has led me to despair. It has planted me right in front of the reality of who I am, but offered no way of redemption or change. Though I may try (though I definitely have tried), all I can do at best is mediocre damage control. So, at the end of myself, I am led to verse 25 which reads as “Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our LORD!”

I am clinging to this verse and to the idea that Jesus can do more than me. That His life and death have the power to provide me a clean cut and a new name. That His life and death is enough to lead me to my own death and new life. I am here to take Jesus at his word and allow him to intercede. To trust that the most trustworthy man to ever live is good on his word and that he will redeem my life. To trust that my past, present, and future is safer with Him then it ever would be with me. Thanks be to God, my LORD and Savior.