I am a girl who calls herself caring and insightful but feels stupid and

over emotional.

Everyone says your disorder doesn’t affect your personality but

what about when you have a personality disorder?

 

I am a girl who forces myself out of bed everyday

because I care about my education more than I care about

feeling like shit constantly

 

I am a girl who’s 16 and often feels unloved because I

see people in movies falling in love at 16 and I

haven’t even had my first kiss

 

I am a girl who cares about my  grades but

when I have to present I can’t say

‘sorry I have social anxiety and I might have a panic attack’

instead I have to suck it up and pretend to be strong-

for the hope of an a

 

I am a girl who looks back on each year, month, and week

of highschool, wondering how I’ve made it this far.

I remember counting the cuts on my body more than

counting multiples for math homework

 

I am a girl whom everyone sees as funny

because I laugh and am smiling often

but I go to the bathroom at school not to pee,

but to have a fucking breakdown

and yes I smile and have fun with friends

but two seconds later I can be

sobbing for no reason

 

I am a girl who has had to hear about my older

sisters’ abuse since I could comprehend conversation

and I have felt guilty every time I cried because

at least I don’t have my father abusing me

 

I am a girl who tries to always be a good person

and who cares about school and I try

to not let my disorders define Who I Am

but sometimes I realize that besides them,

I am also just Isabel. I am myself.