Right now I am staring down

Barreling  down

Hurtling towards

The same story and the same mistakes I have made for the past four years

I know how it ends but I don't know 

And the temptation of the familiar is so strong

I could so easily live what I have before

Just with different people in different places 

Different variations on a theme

Oh but I care for you

Oh but I carry you

Oh but you are carrion over the corpse of this friendship

May you choke on every ball bearing from a shotgun blast its broken body has to offer

I can't make these same mistakes again

I have to be capable of making better mistakes than this

But right now I can't look you in the eye

But right now I still wish you were mine

But right now I have to let this die

Right now I am staring down

Barreling  down

Hurtling towards

What is hopefully something better