Hellfire In the Rainbow

Here's something for you all.

My world is modern Technicolor;

vibrant, awe-inspiring, filled with wonder an special effects.

It is stunning.

It is my Xanadu

All I could dream for, and more.

Bright colors frolic,

careless and playful.

Sparkles dance joyously,



For many and many a day

my world was black and white.

Grainy, distorted, fuzzy, lost.

And then, I met my chums,

my crutch, my love, my life.

They transformed,

remodeled my world,

granted me my every desire,

regardless of its innocence, or spitefulness.

I was complete, released, running wild

in this brilliant, newfound realm..

Yet there was fine print I failed to heed.

The colors became constricting

asphyxiating, noxious.


marauding in their reverie.

Spooks lunge from every crevice

arising in me woe.

I cannot cease to stumble in potholes

of myriad length and depth.

Every time emerging

with an expression of maniacal glee.

I am on top of my world,

exultant in my madness.

And then I fall




to the bowels of the blackest abyss..

While there, I sit and grovel

alone in agony

waiting for the chemical love to envelop me,

take me away..

Till once again, I ascend.

There is no family,

there are no friends,

no need for work or play.

As long as I have my manufactured bliss,

or rather, my Master,

nothing else matters.

I am nothing.

The machinations of my sanity

are essential to me, as is air.

Without them, I am a shell,

a soulless embodiment of desperation.

My killer loves killing me

while I love being killed

slowly, subtly.

I am speeding down the freeway

so lunatic..

opposite the flow of traffic.

There is no stopping,

no turning back

till I crash

or veer off course

in this sick, beautiful, Technicolor universe.


Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741