I fell in love with you outside
in the spring
when the ground was soft and the
colors around us were dull but
beginning to brighten slowly.
The blooming flowers sadly
represent us in a sense.
We are but budding babies
not experienced enough to know
that winter will come all too soon.
I look into your eyes,
your breath hits my mouth
for a moment, I wonder
if I’ll have this sugary
taste on my tongue for much longer.
It’s not fair to assume it’s all over.
It’s not fair to assume this is wrong.
It’s fair to assume we’re not thinking.
For that is an assumed truth.
You surprise me constantly
at the same time you don’t.
But when you smile and say your
unhappy, well, this situation
has a lack of words.
I know this is scaring me to death
because I don’t know the difference
between exhilaration and happiness.
And as you push against
the restraint of the walls confine you,
what am I doing?
Here with you
my heart is racing.
I’ve fallen in love before
but never obsessed.
Since the first day we met
I meant to own you.
We became friends and somewhere
I let my walls fall into disrepair
that love sunk in through the ground
into my soul.
So I don’t know what this is.
It reminds me of my parents’ love
doesn’t every daughter stray away
from their mother’s life
as if they can.
Here I fear I’m turning into her.
And at the same time I’m reading great ideas
of naturalists that say
live as you want
for life is so short.
I realize they mean alone.
But I’ve always been with you
if not in reality, then in heart.
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Grant-Grey Porter Hawk Guda