Healing ( Performance attached as thumbnail)

 

Hi my names Michelle Garcia

Im 18

I've written this a 100 times

And this is probably gonna be one of the hardest things I do

 

You killed my brother on June 22 2013  

 

It was the day of my 8th grade graduation

My brother helped pick out my dress

He said I was gonna look beautiful in it

 

I want to know your favorite color

My brothers favorite color was red

Red like  

Our grandmothers rosary

Like The flowers he brought me on my birthday

Like the ones I put on his grave

 

I want to know what you wanted to be when you grew up

If i could be anything

Id probably be a full clip

 

Like what if I  was there that day

and I emptied it ,Before you could empty it in him

Would you still reload it

Would you aim for me instead

 

I see you in the bottom of every barrel

behind every trigger that hasn't been pulled

Yet fires off in my head

 

Does it ever make your melanin melt

My sister said she'd watch you burn

And I held her as she caught flames

I told her God's arms are endless fire escapes

 

But for the days my 3rd degree burns bind me to bed

I ask god to give you smoke alarm lungs

And fire extinguished laughter

 

Did you hold your mom before the cops came

 

I didn't hold my mother at the wake

I wrote a poem instead

I said it'd save me when she couldn't

When i wanted to hear my brothers laughter on my birthday

 

I'm sorry that I talk so much

My brother says or said I never shut up

 

But are you starting to forget his face too

Does it blur like  looking through beer bottles  

Are you numb yet too

 

Like if you could bring 3 things to a deserted island what would they be

I`d bring water, matches, and vapor rub

That shit heals everything

 

I heard healing begins whenever you're ready

Mondays still feel like his open casket  

And our open wounds

Like how cold my head felt on his chest when I wanted to hold me for the last time

 

Do you remember the last time you held your sister in your arms

 

Did she cry like I do

 

Do you cry

 

Is it true we only mourn the ones we know

 

But if love heals everything then i'm ready to scab all over

 

Im hoping the more I say it the easier it`ll get

 

My name is Michelle Garcia

His name was Felix Garcia Junior

He would have been 25 years old this year

 

I don't know if I've written this letter for you or for me a 100 times

Forgiving You is the hardest thing i`ll ever do

But  Jael Romero I pray you whole again

 

I'm ready to begin healing