Head-Written Letters

Dear Mom,

I love you so much, and I wish you'd smile more. I wish I could carry your worries for a bit so that your laugh doesn't seem like... a stranger every time it bursts from your beautiful face. I want your smile and crinkled eyes to be old friends rather than acquaintences.


Dear Ariana,

You are my twin, my other half. I used to think we were so different, like night and day. But in that quiet hush between day and night, I hear you cry...I hear your heart break. And I think it's a twin thing because mine does too. Like when we say things at the same time, or start singing the same song; I think someone's trying to make us realize that we were, and are, two parts of something beautiful.


Dear Beautiful Girl,

At first I didn't like you, then I loved you...I think. I'm honestly not sure, but whenever I saw you I froze up and my heart started racing, I loved the way my name rolled off your lips, your eyes were gorgeous and you made my senences run together. You made me nervous, so nervous...you made me cry, scratch at my chest, clench my jaw and grit my teeth. You made me face things I didn't want to face, made my nights a mix of heaven and hell...and you probably never knew.


Dear Best Friend,

You got it. You got Me. We were so close, and you never judged me. You were always there, and you were always beautiful. Of course it was visible on the outside, but it was absolutely radiant on the inside. In your words and actions, I saw nothing but pure beauty. I never thought I'd be friends with someone like that. I thought you would leave, so I said things I didn't mean. I absolutely love you, even when I cannot begin to understand you.


Dear Big Mama,

You've been gone for awhile, yet I still remember watching wrestling with you on Fridays. I remember you keeping every drawing I made for you. I remember the sausage and biscuits you'd make for breakfast, and how you'd hum a song in my ear while holding me close. Mom said I was your baby, and I'm glad I was. I miss you.


Dear Bro Bro,

Yes, I will continue to call you Bro-Bro even though you are thirty-someting. My older brother, my dumbass older brother who has gotten smarter over the years. Thank you for being there.


Dear Father,

You missed your children grow up. Despite many opportunities and many invitations, you missed them. Stop messsaging me on Facebook.


Dear Self,

You are wonderful. You're wonderful when your mom doesn't accept your sexuality, and when your sister doesn't want to talk to you. You are still wonderful when that beautiful girl leaves with a beautiful boy and when you feel like you and your best friend are drifting apart. You're even wonderful when your brother doesn't visit as often and when you stare at your granmother's picture until you cry. You're wonderful even though your father never called. You are talented, kind, thoughtful, sweet, intelligent, and amazing. You need to always remember that.




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