Hello, I’m not who you think is me

I’m sorry, that probably came off a little crazy

but it’s the only way to describe what I’m going to say

to you today. I’m not going to bribe you with little

jokes to make you more comfortable

but I promise this won’t be a bore.

Let’s start with a question: Who is Derrick?

I already mentioned he isn’t me, I’m sick

of people assuming they know who I am by my name

He’s the funny one, the skinny one

Sometimes I play a little game where I make fun of people

using the words they use to describe me

Usually it’s just depressing, hearing what people think, because I always fail to see

what they do about me

See I’m always stressing how positive and open minded you need to be

but the truth is I’m as dark as they come

and though they’re right about my snark

I’m awful in ways that nobody seems to notice

Sure I’m small and weak and cynical

But I’ve also reached the pinnacle of depression so this

flurry of insults and assumptions I face don’t even phase me

If only I could erase some of the things I’ve said out of spite

If only I could right some wrongs then I’d be able to accept a compliment seriously

not with the fake arrogance that curiously nobody seems to question

Honestly, do you think I’m really that full of myself?

You’ve never second guessed that a kid who can’t reach the top shelf

is that confident?

Please, doubt is something I can’t rid myself of

It’s my loyal shadow

But now is a good time for question number two

Who here knows how to fly? You see, I’ve tried. I’ve tried to take to the sky and leave behind

this world, we’ve never seen eye to eye.

But don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to die, this isn’t a suicidal siren song to get you to come along with me as I try to see how long it takes to drown

Though some say that’s the best way to go

I just want to know how to get away from here

From all my insincere so called peers

Who focus on looks and say things like

“that’s queer”

God, I could write a book

On ignorance and how they took

all the self confidence away from me and my friends

and how long it took to make amends with myself

for believing their lies and looking through their blind eyes

It was like forgiveness was the on the top shelf

and it was telling me I could reach but I couldn’t

because I was missing the self confidence I was making amends for

You wouldn’t believe how long I was reaching, my friends too

or maybe you do

maybe you’re one of us

One of the few who struggle through the tidal waves of doubt

Set off more often by ourselves than by the world we’ve grown to despise

I’m sorry for ranting, I just want you to realize

that even though we laugh and joke

it doesn’t mean we’re not constantly choking on the lies we try and throw your way

So stop asking if I’m okay when my acting isn’t up to snuff and I let my inner turmoil show through

Because I am. We are. Because at least we know who we are, and not by knowing each other’s names,

but by knowing how we got our scars

and not the kind you count on arms but the kind that collects on hearts

From sleepless nights sharp as knives

So goodnight, and sleep tight knowing that

if you now know me I know you too