God, i loved you!

God, I love you.

You were my first love
and once I really learned how to love 
I love you with a love like no other love
than the love that I had to give
...to you...
I loved you so much
that I was willing to do anything to be with you
because I needed you to love me too.
I was broken on the inside.
All messed up, empty, and confused
but then you came
and you swept up the broken pieces
that I'd once claimed to be my heart 
you put it back together and together 
we tore down that wall
that I'd built up to protect what I had left 
and although it was barely salvageable 
we fixed it
and as a token of my gratitude
I gave it to you...
I gave it to you to cherish
...now and forever more...
I gave it to you to admire
...treat it as your greatest treasure...
I gave it to you to fully exploit
...to take to new heights...
I gave it to you
in hopes that you'd be different
Then and there I vowed to you 
I vowed to be your shoulder to cry on
when you just couldn't hold back anymore
I vowed to be the hand that you'd hold 
when you just couldn't go on alone 
I vowed to be your treasure chest
in which all of your deepest darkest secrets were held
until you were ready to reveal them 
I vowed to be your nightlight 
when you couldn't escape the many demons 
lurking underneath your bed
I vowed to be the pillow you laid on
when you made your bed too hard to lie in
I vowed to stand by you
through the good and the bad
but most importantly 
I vowed to be yours forever
I upheld those vows
to the best of my ability 
Again I was broken
Broken and battered
destroyed by the same hands
that had once helped repair this broken heart
the same hands that picked my sagging head up
and helped me hold it high
the same hands that helped me through
my deepest darkest hours 
the same hands that....
Was I not enough for you?
Did my tears do nothing 
to dampen your dry, rusted soul
Did my screams not penetrate the walls 
that you built up to block me out
why wasn't I enough for you 
you were just perfect for me 
now we've went our separate ways 
and what was once your hand and heart
is now just a silhouette of hope
Hoping that this is just a dream 
and that you'll be back
Right??... Wrong
You turned away without so much 
as a glance back to see 
what a mess you'd created
Did "we" ever really exist to you?
Or was it just a game?
Didn't you want this?
...God, I loved you!!...



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