I don't need a Hercules who is in love with himself
I don't need a Zeus who will just prop me up on the shelf
I don't want Hermes since he's always on the run
Dionysus is a partier, and there's a such thing as way too much fun
Don't give me Poseidon since I can't breathe underwater
Even my kids will think I'm crazy when I answer why they can't visit their father
Apollo seems neat if you leave out all his crazy exes
He dated the goddess of witchcraft and I don't feel like receiving hexes
Ares, god of war, might just try to kill me
And even Hephaestus's mom, when he was born, thought he was ugly
I don't need these gods or any of these deities
I want to find a man, and definitely not a Hercules