My hands use to tremble when you neared

A frightened animal backed into a corner

A corner that starts to trace the outline of my shadow

As it gets use to me being there

Is it okay to say that I am still learning

To fight for myself

 

My palms forgot how to be dry

As my anxiety flowed like trickling streams

In the creases that so delicately marked my skin

I wondered when I’d feel comfortable enough to touch(again)

I wondered when I’d feel comfortable enough to think of touch

To think of feel to think of this, in this moment

That my senses are so alive

Or maybe this is too surreal... and I’m just daydreaming

 

I tend to do that

So often,that the days clash together and I lose track of the months

As seasons skitter by like rabbits on tiny feet

Pitter patter of rain rocking sullen souls to sleep

Yet somehow I am still awake

 

I use to cry until my body shook

Giving myself over to the rhythmic lurching of my chest

Allowing pools of ocean water to soil pillowcases

That i’ll scrub clean in the morning

And then pretend to forget

 

But last night I felt it for the first time

In a long time

That I could actually do it?

 

(Discovered this scholarship on the college counseling website)