Where do I begin?

 

The end?

 

Well I guess I could start from the actual beginning.

 

Which one?

 

There are so many.

 

Too many chances

 

Let's call them lasts firsts 

 

There's a last first for everything.

 

First snow

 

First kiss

 

First love

 

First heartbreak

 

First drama

 

First happiness

 

First sadness 

 

First friend.

 

There are no seconds. 

 

Notice that?

 

You tried

 

They say I’m dead.

 

first death.

 

I’m still here though

 

 That’s what you like pretending

 

I think I am at least.

 

Why are they crying?

 

Aren’t they happy?

 

Isn’t this what you wanted?

 

Why cry?

 

It was just

 

An escape

 

A quick fix

 

And believe me, I’ve tried

 

So many times

 

But I can't seem to bring myself back to life

 

shit

 

Did I miss something?

 

Did I do something wrong?

 

 Why am I not there?

 

Why isn't this working?

 

 I should be there

 

Why does the thing you worked so hard to do. 

 

What did I do?

 

Seem so inane? 

 

I want to go back

 

Hands shaking  

 

I want to go back

 

Eyes watering 

 

 I want to go back

 

Tears pouring

 

 I want to go back

 

Finger on the..

 

I

 

Trigger-

 

I can’t

 

Blade-

 

I can’t go back

 

Rope-

 

Why did you let me go?

 

You should be proud.

 

Take me back

 

You made it 

 

They tried

 

Didn't you?

 

But I’m still here

 

But you know that's not how they'll see it.

 

Right?

 

You were 

 

Don’t forget me

 

"Weak"

 

please

 

"Troubled"

 

don’t

 

"Toxic"

 

forget

 

"Insane"

 

me

 

You were

 

I can’t come back

 

"Sweet"

 

why did I do this?

 

"Kind"

 

I seemed so happy

 

"Helpful"

 

So free

 

Unnamed

 

Again

 

Just another statistic

 

I ask you

 

Just another day.

 

Will you

 

Nobody else sees it that way.

 

please

 

If they could bring you back they would

 

remember me?

 

Wouldn't they?

 

I’m gone