Fearing Yourself

I will imagine myself now dangling from the edge of a page,

Peering over the corner,

Letting my blood boil,

Fire igniting from wandering words.

They will seek out my soul on satin paper.

Doggy ear the corners to not forget,

That I am the story so many will crave to read.

Their eyes will ponder, like

“WOW, she's a gangsta. She's a go-getter, deserves to get her name etched into every sidewalk

Every building,

Because when people start again, she will be the reason why,”

And yes, I am confident.

I am the center of a crowd,

The chaos of a storm,

I am a hurricane in all of its destruction,

A hail Mary, God's even know me by my name,

I am Amanda.

And only a diamond,

With fragile, delicate edges,

Must shave off the corners because they are imperfect,

They are ragged and broken,

I have shed my flaky skin,

Showed my flesh and bones to people I don't even know,

I have second guessed the success of my future,

I have doubted the depths of my waves,

Had them suffocate me in the dark abyss that is my mind,

got blown away one too many times by the wind of thought,

But I am here, still standing.

This, is for the girl in the corner scribbling on torn paper,

Who can't think of what to write in recovery,

This is for the broken snowblowers,

Still stuck in rust and withering garages,

The half ass teachers, watching the clock,

The ones who don't know if their suffering will ever end,

This is for my past me.

Forgiving myself for not forgiving myself,

And loving all that I am and who I was,

This is for the writer,

The pen,

The paper,

All that I embody,

I'm here to tell you your emptiness, is soon to be filled,

I am the hand that gestures you to follow,

Follow me into the light, for I am your guidance in the depths of darkness,

Because I know it well.

And I've turned the page.

And I know the only person who can save yourself from yourself,

Is you.

So be your queen, be your Beyonce,

Be your hype,

And hold your head high, darling,

For you can move mountains,

Forget that, you can make mountains,

You are the breath that makes the clouds spin,

The lighting that makes the Earth's belly grumble for more,

You are mother nature, baby,

Now go show the world,

All the demons you've destroyed.

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