Falling in love is bliss until you cant fall anymore

Location

33415
United States
26° 39' 11.0952" N, 80° 7' 54.0948" W

Falling in love is bliss until you can’t fall any further. The only other option to giving in is denial, you don’t want to believe there is someone so perfect for you; only there is no going forward or turning back. You love, & are in love. At that moment then you realize that heaven isn’t worth it, you’d gladly live in the treacherous depths of hell if she’d still be by your side. She is your sin, your guilty pleasure, a pure indulgence that makes life whole & worth living. Life, this hell on earth seems so much more tolerable knowing that she, the one person that is meant for you, exists & knows you exist too. But when you two are separated the balance that once held fast, crumbles. Your life lacks structure, you lash out, & you do irrational things; just looking for something to suffice, something to replace her. How can you replace the irreplaceable? Tears now come to you like oxygen as you fall into a deep depression of the worst kind; you don’t want to go on. You long to express exactly how you feel; you feel so strongly that you are most certain you can convey those feelings & she’ll realize she should be with you. The harsh actuality of this beast called life reminds you that shit doesn’t work like that. You fucked up—now you have to live with it. This is absolute torture, worse than any other unrequited love & avoidance of servitude. To watch love literally leave your life. To be trapped behind glass as your breath becomes restricted, & your chest tightens while the knot in your stomach makes you sick, & the ball of emotions you feel builds up in your throat, as the tears claw at the back of your eyes. All while she walks out the door, into a world where she is surely never to come back. If she does, will it still be her? Will she still love you the way she did once before, will she hold you like she used to, or comfort & console you? Will she truly ever be yours again? Was she truly ever yours?—Never being able to know the answer, because you messed up. You begin to see her face & hear her voice everywhere. Everything begins to remind you of what once was, & what it has become. You’d have never thought you’d ended up like this, but you did & now you’re stuck, attempting to get out but slinking slowly back in because the fronts you put up fail. No one else can see, but they fail against who really matters; yourself. You don’t find yourself convincing because you know the truth. A truth that is bittersweet. You begin to mope around eyes raw from tears, heart torn from feeling, brain weary from thinking; of, for, & about her. My life will never be the same, I’ve always wanted love & now that I have experienced it I realize I took it for granted. Where an apology is due, apologetic words don’t seem to fit, they aren’t enough. Nothing you do is enough, because everything is done without them; the only thing you want, need, & crave is them. If you love someone love them & cherish them, never let them go. 

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