Everything was different.

I come home from school, he isn’t there.

I go to make dinner, he isn’t there.

Sometimes I get lucky and he’s sitting in his chair.

Jack in hand, eyes awake, but he’s still not there.

As I watch my dad stumble through life,

We simultaneously become more hollow.

 

I come home from work, he isn’t there.

Six people sitting in the living room, but no one’s aware

How the pills they take to numb the pain don’t numb anything at all

Except for their awareness and respect for one another.

They only care about the high, with no regard for whom they’re destroying.

While other’s may be collateral damage, in the end it’s only themselves.

 

Everything was different.

Instead of love, he started to hate.

Warm embraces and kisses became open hands.

Spit and boiling pots of water fly across the room.

He threatens his impending doom.

My first love, consumed

By drugs, hate, anger and abuse.

 

As I look up at the sky

I wonder why the people who say they love me

Are the ones who leave the biggest scars.

So I start to love myself instead,

Because the only one I can count on is me.

Everything is different.

But I know who I am supposed to be.