I hate myself

But the saddest thing is

I hate myself because you told me to

Because you told me I wasn't good enough

Because you screamed at me

Because you made fat a part of my name

You ridiculed my style

You mutilated my self-esteem

You made having a normal life impossible

You drove me insane with repeated nicknames

You made me cry with your fists

You pushed me to attempt suicide at the ages of 7 12 and 15

I never told a soul

Because I knew I would be locked away

Because nobody understands

Nobody understands that just because you're upper middle class

Doesn't mean your better off

Doesn't mean you don't have to work

To strive

To dream

To hope

To fight for a better lot in life

All I wanted from you was love

A hug

A kind word

Reassurance that I was doing the right thing

I know I can't sing

But that doesn't mean you have to ridicule me for it

I tried to fit in

But apparently I'm too eloquent to be a rapper

Too fat to be a jock

Too dumb to be a nerd

Too smart to be blissfully ignorant

Too clean cut to be living the *ahem* high life

I have tried to be perfect

I have turned over so many leaves I raked the whole yard

And this won't be a shock to you guys

But from ages 8 to 12

My best friends were on the starship enterprise

But it was better than reality

Because my reality was that I had no hope

No chance

No romance

That daily verbal beatings were just a way of life

They were my knife

And I gave up

I surrendered to the crushing weight of the word

Waiting to be destroyed by the herd

And then I made a decision

I decided to become better

I decided to become an individual

To no longer be pushed around

Beat up

Yelled at

Used

But I still treat everyone with respect

And I don't care if you don't respect me

Like me

Approve of me

Because I love myself

And the best part is

I love myself, because I stopped doing what you told me to