Epiphany
Location
I hate myself
But the saddest thing is
I hate myself because you told me to
Because you told me I wasn't good enough
Because you screamed at me
Because you made fat a part of my name
You ridiculed my style
You mutilated my self-esteem
You made having a normal life impossible
You drove me insane with repeated nicknames
You made me cry with your fists
You pushed me to attempt suicide at the ages of 7 12 and 15
I never told a soul
Because I knew I would be locked away
Because nobody understands
Nobody understands that just because you're upper middle class
Doesn't mean your better off
Doesn't mean you don't have to work
To strive
To dream
To hope
To fight for a better lot in life
All I wanted from you was love
A hug
A kind word
Reassurance that I was doing the right thing
I know I can't sing
But that doesn't mean you have to ridicule me for it
I tried to fit in
But apparently I'm too eloquent to be a rapper
Too fat to be a jock
Too dumb to be a nerd
Too smart to be blissfully ignorant
Too clean cut to be living the *ahem* high life
I have tried to be perfect
I have turned over so many leaves I raked the whole yard
And this won't be a shock to you guys
But from ages 8 to 12
My best friends were on the starship enterprise
But it was better than reality
Because my reality was that I had no hope
No chance
No romance
That daily verbal beatings were just a way of life
They were my knife
And I gave up
I surrendered to the crushing weight of the word
Waiting to be destroyed by the herd
And then I made a decision
I decided to become better
I decided to become an individual
To no longer be pushed around
Beat up
Yelled at
Used
But I still treat everyone with respect
And I don't care if you don't respect me
Like me
Approve of me
Because I love myself
And the best part is
I love myself, because I stopped doing what you told me to