Waking up is difficult for me

That's when the thoughts start

Mirrors torment me

I don't look like beautiful girls look

I am not a size two

My hair is a mess

My stomach potrudes more than I want

I hate the way I look

I gag when I see myself

I know I'm not alone in this struggle

There's other people that know what it's like

To wish and pray

Pray to look like someone else

To be someone else

As much as I dislike my apperance

I wouldn't want to change it

Even though I say I would

I want to change this destructive mindset

This voice that tells me to skip dinner

To wear makeup and change my hair

I shouldn't feel this repulsive

I don't want to be this way

These thoughts are destroying me

I want it to change

For once I want to feel good enough

Pretty, thin, and smart enough

I want to love myself

But it's so hard when I can't change my mind

Tihs nightmare never seems to end

Self hate has consumed me for so long

Twelve years is too long

I'm only eighteen

People told me this is the happiest time of your life

So why am I drowning and fighting for every breath

Why am I so unsatisfied with what I see in myself

I want to cahnge so many things

But most of all

I want to change my mind

I want to feel like I am good and strong

Because I've had enough