today i went looking for scholarships,

hoping to cash in on the wealth

the media has told me will be freely granted to me 

by virtue of my "queerness"--

and find myself terrifically underqualified.

 

there are no scholarships just for existing

the way i do, loving

the people i do, being

the person i am.

i'd have to be going into a STEM field, or,

God forbid,

"demonstrate leadership qualities."

 

even if i understood what that meant, i'm sure it doesn't apply to me.

 

these scholarships are all for

heroes, activists,

glass-ceiling-shatterers.

where's the money allocated to cowards?

surely there must be some organization interested in the welfare

of reticent pansies cowering in their closets.

 

it isn't even a secret anymore.

not really.

it's more like there's an elephant in the room, and i'm sitting on top--no--

i AM the elephant, and i'm pretending i'm not an elephant

and everyone else is pretending there's no elephant

because there isn't,

THERE IS NO ELEPHANT.

 

and they don't give out scholarships to elephants anyway.