Drowning Above Water

Drowning, I feel like drowning, Drowning in my uncertainty and sickness,  I quit and say it’s the flu, But we all know the truth, I’m drowning in my doubts and feverish tears,  Back in the beginning, Back at the start, There was an excitement, That filled up my heart,  The thought of breathing, Where one does not, Spiked my interest, So I put in some thought,  Seeing his reactions, My fathers glee, Only made the drowning worse, Only made me less free,  Flashbacks of uncomfortable strokes, Unintentional mistakes, And unforgettable experiences,  Pushing back is a chore, But I prevail for him, His smiles and cheers, They help, And yet I still have my fears,  I get my certification, Of course through problematic determination,  And in frustration, almost quit,  I speak my anxieties,  He listens and does not lie to me, He tells me quitting is ok,  I ponder my choices and until that final moment,  I realized I hadn’t thought of myself, I put down my glasses and reached for my mask, Now with new lenses, the world underwater cannot fight my defenses,  I CAN SEE, And it changes how I saw, Because now I see that it was me, I feared my own impossibilities,  My own insecurities, And I made the trip,  After headaches, airplanes, and, phone calls to envy, We made it, All in one piece,  Just a state under us, And yet a new journey just for us, Many milestones were leapt over,  I became an adult, And forgot my body was exposed, Due to this I could let go and enjoy it,  Exploring the ocean floor, side by side with my eccentric father, We saw and reached things others have not,  Who’s jealous now?  Corals and lobsters, Octopi and sunken treasures, Turtles and tiny fishes too, Night dives and jellyfish, And, terrifyingly beautiful sea storms, Ones that shook more than just the boat,  Although with doubt in myself and nature itself, I achieved our goal with help, Help is not a threat to success like I once thought,  It can be a guiding light through a long tunnel of indecisiveness, And sometimes an opinion can change everything,  I didn’t drown, But I did wake up, And after my nightmares had ended, I saw beauty again and dove into a place of newness and uncertainty      

This poem is about: 
My family



Hi this is the author, for me it is showing that the text is all smushed together, is this true for everyone else or just me?

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