Anxiety is not cute

Anxiety is not something to be laughed at or to be taken lightly

Anxiety is when your lungs seem to collapse on themselves and heave with every breath you take 

Anxiety is when all your good thoughts turn cloudy and only the bad ones remain. 

Anxiety is when you try to speak but all that comes out are sobs

Anxiety is when your throat closes and your tears flow like rivers

Anxiety is when you put your head in between your knees to stop the world from shaking

Do not tell me to calm down

Do not tell me it's not a big deal

Because to me, it is

To me, I feel I feel I feel I feel

To me, I hurt I hurt I hurt I hurt

Why can't you understand

This isn't my fault

This isn't me

It's not all in my head

It's in my body

from head to toe I feel this overwhelming panic

Don't tell me to calm down

Don't tell me to breathe

Why cant you understand

This isn't something I can control 

This isn't something I can stop.

This isn't something that will go away

Anxiety is something that will be with me my whole life

Like a dark cloud looming over my head

Waiting 

Waiting for me to break 

Waiting for my plastered on smile to chip

You're not good enough

You'll never be good enough 

No body likes you

No body wants you

No body needs you

Don't call me vain cause I look in the mirror every chance I get

Don't call me fake cause I'm always smiling

I need to

It's the only way I keep the pieces of me together

Why can't anyone see the only thing holding me together is hope and some string

Why can't anyone see that the only reason I'm laughing is to keep away the tears

Why can't anyone see that I'm screaming, yelling for someone to tell me I'm beautiful

Tell me I'm kind

Tell me I'm smart

Tell me I'm wanted

Assure me that there's a reason I'm here

Why can't anyone see that I'm walking a tightrope as thin as fishing line and I'm going to fall off. 

Why can't anyone see that my head isn't quite screwed on right 

Like a car without an engine, I'm not going anywhere

I'm not going forward, I'm not being fixed, I'm not finished.

I'm an antique china doll missing an arm. 

A painted on smile and a factory made personality

Model number 11133752

Hello nice to meet you my name is smiling on the outside, crying on the inside

Help me help me help me help me help me.

People tell me to hide it

To cover it and bury it deep deep within myself

And I try I try I swear I try 

But it's always there beneath the surface 

waiting

Waiting 

waiting 

Don't tell me to calm down

Tell me you'll be there to catch me when I fall

Tell me you're there

Tell me that you need me here

Tell me that I am good enough

Tell me you love me.