Do you see that little girl?

Do you see that little girl?

Sitting there across from you 

she’s all smiling and laughing 

but do you really see her?

 

Do you see that little girl? 

What you don’t know is that behind all those fake smiles and fake laughs 

she is crying and dying inside .

As she sits there acting as if she’s alright she is 

Wondering why 

“Why are those kids talking about me? 

Why do they have to keep making fun of me? 

Why do I always have to biggest person in the classroom? 

Why are they so mean to me? 

Why can’t I just sit back and ignore them? 

Why can’t I just  focus on the 2 people who are really trying their hardest to make me smile despite of everything else? Why?”

 

Do you see that little girl? 

She is so sick of tired of being bullied at school everyday and then having to go home to her parents who are always arguing.

She is so sick and tired of always having to keep her guard up whenever someone new comes around her because she’s afraid that they are just going to be a disappointment to her.

She is sick and tired of always having to defend and stick up for herself since everyone at her school thinks that it’s alright to pick on her and tease her because she’s overweight. 

She is so sick and tired of being called names because her body is developing faster than all the other girls in her 4th grade class. 

She is so sick and tired of the little boys that stare at her as she walk away? 

She is so sick and tired of crying every night because she still feels the hurt, betrayal, and pain of the day she came home from school to find her own father being intimate with another woman that is not mother. 

She is so sick and tired of fighting these demons that are in her mind telling her that it will be easier to just take her life away. 

Do you see that little girl? 

 

Do you see that little girl?

Who grows up as a preacher and deacon’s daughter in the church

Who grows up and becomes shy and quiet when new people come around 

Who grows up learning to just pray when things seem to go rough 

Who grows up to just brush things under the rug  or just deal with things on her own 

Who grows up to learn that not everybody is your friend and that you should always watch your own back 

Who grows up having a hard time to trust any male that wants to get with her because for years she witnessed seeing her father disobey the vowels he made to her mother 

Do you see that little girl? 

 

Do you see that little girl?

Who is now about to become and adult but is still battling with issues from her childhood 

Who is still trying to act like the perfect daughter by getting good grades, singing on the church choir, dancing on the praise team, and always acting as if she is satisfied with her life. 

Who is still battling with her anger issues because the one person who she wants to lash out on she can’t so she does it to other people instead. 

Who gets almost everything she wants but knows deep down inside that those materialistic things will never mend the hole that was placed in her heart by her father and previous boyfriends. 

 

But do you see that little girl?

That little girl who is so insecure about her looks that she always wants to put on some type of makeup before she go out.

That little girl who always has to make sure that her hair is on fleek so that it would take the attention off of her disproportionate body.

That little girl who always make sure she has the nicest  and cutest clothes so that people would pay attention to that instead of “HER”.

That little girl who has the biggest heart and wants people to show love to but she doesn’t know how.

Do you see that little girl? 

 

Do you see that little girl?

As I said before that little girl is about to become an adult.

And before she gets to the age of 18 she will no longer be afraid and she will be in control.

She will no longer be afraid of the demons that come into her mind because she will take control of them and kill them before they try to kill her.

She will no longer be afraid of the stretch marks that runs down her body because she will be proud of who God made her to be.

She will no longer be afraid of wearing her natural face that is filled with blemishes and dark spots since she knows beauty is from within.

She will no longer be afraid when she walks into room and have worries of what the thoughts people are making about her.

She will no longer be afraid of making new friends and trusting people because of the fact that she decided to throw all the hurt and pain and unanswered questions that her father left her with. 

She will no longer be afraid of trying to be the perfect daughter and the perfect friend or the perfect person but she will be the perfect HER which will be filled with all of her imperfections.

She will no longer be afraid of sitting there quietly and be observant but, she will be outspoken and bold and always let people know that she has a voice. 

 

Do you see that little girl? 

Well I am that girl, but a little girl is what I will be no more, because 

I AM a young woman who is a STRONG , INTELLIGENT , BEAUTIFUL, and INDEPENDENT BLACK QUEEN. And I will no longer let my past control my future. 

This poem is about: 
Me

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