“Did you hear?

Nothing else matters right now.

I don’t care who is looking.”

 

He nods his head and I can’t help but fall apart.

I don’t even try to talk, because a my throat swells in sorrow

And I can’t stop the tears from thrusting forward

As pain-filled cries interrupt my breathing and I collapse into his understanding embrace.

It is too great to be contained, so I walk, run, sprint to my solitude

Which is savagely stolen by oblivious Barbies in the bathroom obsessing and fussing over their satin faces and ruining them with the slop of a sixth layer of mascara as mine runs down my contorted face.

But it doesn’t take very long before their pretty little faces race

out the door because they’re too squeamish to stand in the presence of something so grotesque as grief.

Close friends try to console me, but I can’t con my soul out of the pain.

“He’s in a better place now”

He’s obviously not here.

“We’ll see him one day in heaven.”

Well I want to see him now, 

So how can you tell me that everything is okay?

Their soft words strike like knives scraping up good china as their delicate demeanor slaps me across the face.

 

They knew him.

They knew that he was an

Honorable

Admirable

Faithful

Intelligent

Strong

and at the very least, exceptional human being…

How he always had perfectly pressed ties, so meticulously matched

That he loved his wife and made sure that everyone knew it

And that she would have to match his socks for him

Because he couldn’t tell blue from black or black from blue—or at least that’s what he told us—

And that he had an unexplainable fondness for the Twilight Zone, zebras, giraffes, clocks…?

Darn it, I’m starting to forget.

 

Don’t they care that the man who had a hand in every one of our lives

No longer has his?

 

Because of him I wanted to do my best

Because of him I understood why what we were learning actually had some value

Because of him I am an actress           

Because of him I will always sing, no matter who tells me to shut up

Because of him I will always take the pledge of allegiance seriously because “People died for that flag, and if you are going to say it, darn it, you are going to say it right.”

How come I’m the only one crying?

Didn’t they KNOW him?

 

I’ll never forget how he would sing to himself at his desk

Or how he’d nod and close his eyes when he was listening to

Really, really, really good music

Or how he’d laugh, shamelessly snorting to himself about something stupid he probably heard on the radio last week

And I will never forget that the Lone Ranger’s horse’s name is Silver.

Or about Christian side-hugs.

Or the face he made when he was truly hearing what you had to say.

Or the glint of grandeur in his eye when he was remembering the glory days

And I will never forget how he came to every one of my plays, and he’d say,

“Darlin, you looked fantastic up there!”

And I will Never forget his honesty

His smile

His talent

His integrity

And I will never forget how much he cared

So don’t they dare,

Forget him

So, why aren’t they crying

While I’m still trying to pull myself together?

 

Didn’t they know him?

 

Because if they are talking about the same man that I knew

They would be crying too.