I wonder who you will be
Whether I will find you in a library
Or a classroom
I wonder whether I will approach you then
Say hello and offer a hand
Or if I will be too cowardly.
Likely the latter.
I want to know when I will greet you
How I will greet you
Whether you will smile at me or frown at my stutter
I hope it will be the former
And that you will be flattered that I find you so lovely
That I cannot speak clearly at first
I want to let a wall down and let you hug me.
Even though I may grit my teeth in discomfort.
I am in pain
And I am sure that after a while
You will notice the blood in my clothes
The bruises on my skin
The ashes of my burned tongue
That seem to choke me when I try to raise my voice.
Everyone sees it eventually.
I hope you will not be frightened off
When I am bleeding heavily
When it is flooding my eyes and nose
When my bones crack as I try to move
When I flinch at your touch
Because everything burns
I promise I will be okay.
Some days hurt more than others.
You will never have to stay
Please never think you must
I have been doing this for a while
I can handle one more stab
I can survive the mutilation
I have before
I do not need your looks of pity.
Just go if that is what you want.
I wonder when I will notice
That you have been mauled too
Maybe it will start with a scar
Or a limp
Or a chipped tooth
I am sure I will see it quickly
You learn to recognize when others are in the same state.
You learn that very soon.
We will heal eventually
Or maybe not
Maybe we will continue to die together
It seems that whenever the bleeding stops
There is a burn to take its place
But we have bandages
We can help each other wrap them.
Forgive my hands for trembling.
I cannot wait to meet you.