Dear Nick,

This is my letter to you to say that is time for me to move on.

I will not mope any longer

It has been hard, not seeing you in government

its painful not having you there to make fun of my laugh

it's heart breaking to not hear you ask me to make animal nosies any longer

or when I ask "Is that an upside down 'P' on your shirt?"

You'd give me a look, chuckle then say,

"Yes, Franchessca, its an upside down 'P''

You'd laugh at my stupid question, It was apperent that it was a "d", for diamond depot

I can remeber the last time we spoke

I could tell you were no longer the smiley boy you once were

It felt like something was off, but I couldn't quite pin point on what it was

You seemed...nervous? In a way

I looked in your eyes to see what color your eyes were

But instead I saw a hurting soul

In all honesty

I don't really know

Maybe my mind is just messing with me because I miss you so much

There is one thing I know for certain

As we locked eyes, "Don't fall in love, Don't fall in love, Don't fall in love."

I repeated, as a mantra in my head when I stared into your eyes

flashes of pictures of you and your girlfriend that I saw on instagram danced

They danced around as proof that it was wrong for me to fall in love with you

A few weeks later

 you killed yourself

On September 5, 2017...I lost a classmate

Your parents lost a son 

Your friends lost a person who gave great advice and love

and me?

I lost you

I wish you knew how much you meant to all of us

to me

to your teachers 

I wish I could have done something

You were never, ever a burden, but a delight

now you are a burden on my heart 

I miss you,

 

Franchessca