Dear Mother,

At 4 years old, I asked,  “Mommy why are you giving Vero my clothes”

“Mommy why won’t you pay attention to me”.

At the age of 5 ; “Mommy why did you hit me”

“Mommy why didn’t you pick me up from daddy’s”

At 6 years old, “Mommy where did you go”

“Why did you leave me”

The idea of the love from your mom is something so abstract, something that is supposed to be known. The idea that your mom is someone who is supposed to protect you from the dangers of the outside world is something that should be a given. Instead I feared my inner world. I continuously fear being left behind. This anger that consumes my heart spreads like a wildfire that my young heart cannot defeat unless I get this off my chest; You were a child raising children, a child having to grow up mentally. But that was not your child’s fault, it was not my fault. I did not choose this life of grief, and suffering for you, you did. You chose the road to drive on, but instead made a U- turn and injured the children following you. You were a little girl, who impacted the life of others, the life whom you carried in you for nine months. These memories I hold so close to my heart tear me apart.

At 9 years old, “Mom where were you”

At 10 years old, “Mom why does no one love me”

At 11 years old, “If my Mom couldn’t love me, how is anyone else supposed to”

You have instilled a type of hate in myself, but I will no longer question my worth, no longer play the victim. I have overcome the negative words that would haunt me. I will graduate. Not a Lopez, a Torres. My father deserves the credit of the type of person I am growing to be. In order to become the person I am aiming to be, I need to forgive. Mother, I forgive you. I will let go of the hate that has grown as a tumor inside of me.