Dear Anxiety (To My 11 Year Old Self)

You began as a single raindrop into my existence
At first the presence of you was quiet and unseen
As your small stream flowed into my cracks
You were a stranger to me
But the innocence within my spirit
And the stability within my body reminded you of so many
Before the power of your attacks
You were the first to witness my issues
In the dark you hid, waiting as you saw my light diming
Feasting upon all my fears and insecurities           
In the days my pain was young
And unseen in the eyes of others
You knew the furious storm that was brewing in me
In the mirror, showed simply the reflection of a little boy
He glowed in both promise and youth
Blind to labels and the pressures to conform
He was naive to his own inner destructiveness
Unknowning to the hardship of worry and doubt
The world had not laid its touch of heaviness upon him
His greatest gift in life was his uniqueness
He flourished within his oasis of peace and freedom
Then you places his shackles upon him
In the times I became paralyzed within my inner struggles
You raced throughout my being
Like the flow of a strong wind
Aggressively stripping me of all my sanctites in life
You were the accomplice to my internal dimise
When their hateful words punctured through my spirit
You clouded my mind in self hate
Watching in satisfaction
As they picked away the beauty of who I was inside
Making me feel as if I had something to hide
When my insecurities struck at me one after another
You marked me with your physical effects
Laughing as your pry trembled uncontrollable
Laughing as your pry overthinked everything
Laughing as your pry loss to the struggle of panic
Laughing as your pry became hallow
For so long you held my tougue in silence
Always making me feel as though I had no voice
As if I did not matter
You wanted nothing more than to watch me fade away
To lose the battles, to lose the war
But through the heavy rain and all the dark clouds
And the deathning sound of the thunder
I can now proudly say I made it through
I am still here  By: Exjavier Parrish Dula  


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