On the first day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me,
A partridge in a pear tree.

I have a Bradford pear tree in
My front yard,
But what the heck is a partridge?

I think a partridge is a bird,
I will search Google for the word.
It has been heard
In this song for more years
Than my 30.

On the second day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
Two turtledoves and
A partridge in a pear tree.

I recently watched Home Alone,
So turtledoves are just plain
Doves as far as I can tell,
But I don't like birds,
Except from far away.

Birds are nasty,
Birds carry diseases,
Birds flutter in my face
And bite me on the neck.

On the 3rd day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me
Three French hens,
Two turtledoves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.

But unless the three French hens
Are ready to go
Straight into my oven,
I have no use for silly birds
That I have never seen.

On the fourth day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me
Four calling birds,
So by now surely I must
Need an aviary.

On the fifth day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me
Five golden rings
That don't go with a thing.

On the sixth day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
Six geese a-laying to go with all
The other birds in the aviary.

On the seventh day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
Eight maids a-milking,
To clean up after all the birds.

On the ninth day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
Ten lords a-leaping
To go with the ladies dancing.

On the eleventh day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
Eleven pipers piping
Just to change things up a bit.

On the twelfth day of Christmas
My true love sent to me
Twelve drummers drumming
Which have given me a headache.

By the time you get to day 12,
Your head is pounding,
Your waist exploded,
And you're ready to send your
True love back to the in-laws.