My feelings are all mixed up

inside of my head.

Sometimes I feel untouchable.

Sometimes I feel dead.

 

It is the moment that catches me;

holds strongly with its grasp.

But then reality hits,

and in remorse I bask

 

Sometimes my judgment

is poor at best.

I’ll regret this later?

I should have guessed.

 

Truth knocks me flat

and takes one great bite.

Of what I’m really here for,

I lose sight.

 

My subconscious rushes

as my body lags behind.

Two separate entities

that should be intertwined.

 

Am I doing this right?

Where do I go from here?

Are you proud of me?

It’s your response I fear.

 

I disappoint myself

with the wrong I’ve done.

Just crossing the finish line

does not mean I’ve won.

 

It’s the steps I’ve taken

the whole way through,

that count the most,

to myself have I been true?

 

 

 

The real me is stretched,

beaten, and contoured.

Pressures to conform

cut sharp like a sword.

 

It should not matter

what others think.

The more that I care,

the deeper I sink.

 

Into a world

of which darkness consumes.

A place where spirit dies,

and uncertainty looms.

 

I claw my way out

again and again.

Only to collapse backwards,

I think as I descend:

 

When will I surpass

the darkness within?

And find my way back

to the place that I’ve been.