{Who Am I?}

 

strewn across the floor are words.

i sweep them away with my foot.

they’ve never bothered me before

(so why now? i ponder,

but i’m half out of my mind.)

 

they match the scars

left across my cheeks,

nose red like i had been

nipped by the chilly air.

 

(you’re a tranny, you’re a--)

 

i fit

 

j     g     a

  i     s     w

 

pieces back where

 

t(h)e(y) b(e)l(o)n(g)

 

because i know what it’s like when you don’t.

 

(to love or to hate, that’s the question.)

 

in a crowd of nameless faces i am

a faceless name,

wearing one mask today and another

tomorrow, vying for my own award.

 

[a master chameleon]

 

i’m at both sides of the barrel,

waiting for the trigger will be pulled,

wondering why i can’t pull it,

and

 

I

 

KNOW

 

what it’s like to be despised

and loathed and hated by everyone

and by no one.

 

[i am my biggest enemy]

 

in the face of adversity

i repair my waxen wings

and try again, praying the

sea won’t take me, grateful

for the blanket of clouds that

protect me.

 

(gay, trans, anxious, depressed,

unstable, faggot, crazy, queer --

what difference does it make anymore?)

 

(don’t love yourself) -- that’s all i’ve ever heard --

but one day

 

I

 

WILL

 

LOVE MYSELF

 

and i will love others.

i ask myself

 

{Who Am I?}

 

and i respond

 

that i am growing

i am learning

i am understanding

how to respect, how to feel,

how to laugh again,

how to touch, how to cry,

and as much as

i don’t know what i am

i do know

that

 

{I Am Alive}