By: Gisela Rosa               Growing up with you was rainbows and smiles. Reading books aloud to you, doing my homework next to you, watching Bad Boys with you, makingjokes. You picking up all the messes I left behind while I went to bed. To you driving to mamá's house on Saturdays or even bringing me McDonald's when you came over. Being the happiest little girl in the world. I was the happiest girl in the world because I was bonding with one of the most important men in my life. I was happy because I was with you. I get told that there was a time you were knocking on the door, you were drunk and I was telling Mami someone was knocking on the door and she said it was a drunk man but I got older and they finally admitted that it was you. You were the one knocking on the door. You were the one pounding your fists and ringing the door bell like crazy... It was you. You left and I always wondered why. I always thought about where could you have possibly went and why...why did you walk away from us..why did you just leave..why was it that when I needed you to be there you weren't...I got older and things began to change and I began to miss you more and miss your presence more. You always told me you'd pick me up and you wouldn't show up..always told me you would buy me certain things and when the time came you wouldn't. I always cried about it and always asked myself why did you agree to do these things knowing you couldn't or why did you agree to do these things when you weren't gonna commit to them? Was it to make me happy? was it to see a smile on my face? But did you ever think about how that smile would change once you wouldn't show up or wouldn't get me what you promised? Did you ever? Everyday became a living hell for me..seeing Mami struggle and work her ass off to pay the bills all alone. Where were you? Why weren't you there? You were my father and I couldn't be more grateful. There were times where I was disappointed because you didn't show up. There was times where I asked myself why me? I know things happened in your life that we never talked about, I know there were certain things that stopped you from wanting to be there for me. And I don't blame you because you did the best you could. You didn't fail as a father and I hope you know that. You raised me for most of my life and look at me now. It kills me that I didn't look for you when I could've. It kills me that I didn't appreciate the little things you did because you always taught me to expect more since you always gave me more. It kills me that you're not here anymore and I'm sorry for not looking for you...I'm sorry papi. I'm sorry for always being so stuck up and annoying. I'd do anything to hear your voice again, I'd do anything to spend a day with you. It kills me everyday that you left me so soon. It kills me that you aren't gonna be the one walking me down the aisle or cheering me on at graduation or meeting a couple of your grandkids. It kills me. I miss you. It's too late to try to put together the pieces to this puzzle and trust me I would love to. I can't even try to complete it anymore. Our puzzle has its missing pieces but every single piece of the puzzle is a memory...some pieces will be missing but every other piece counts and always will. You are my angel. I will always love you Papi. Always.