Ten, a tender age where it all begin

my mother was struggling

we had no food, no power

We were waiting for the world to end

 

Nine back to back drug deals

after my uncle came

and introduced me

to the stroke of green paper between fingertips

without knowing the cops were on our heels

 

Eight times in the hospital from being beaten

stabed, raped

a couple ripped through bullet wunds

flesh tenderly left bruses that wouldnt away

and in the mirror

the pain in my eyes take my soul like its being eaten

 

Seven men Ive witness die

one of them were my best friend

four family members

and two guys that met the bullets that rang thunder from my uncle"s gun

and I cant have dreams

every night I see their face

and the story that I wasn't apart of every death is a lie

 

Six times I can recall my mother saying

as tears flood her eyes

and the stream run down her cheeks

"Stay out the streets and be a better person

I know we struggling but God will make a way

your uncle is leading you down the wrong path

and you"re the one thats paying"

 

Five gun shots flew through  my window one night

no one saw anything

no one will say they did

silence was fear

my fear was silence

I knew what was wrong wasn"t always right

 

Four times I ran away from an abusive male

I have bruses the color of black leather

scars of a road map

and every prayer I pray for him

is a sure slow fall to hell

 

Three men

one driving looking from the review mirror

while the other two touched my body inappropriately

putting physical body parts in places that my own hand hasnt been

 

Two of my bestfriends

my older sister, my younger brother

there for me along the way

even when neither knew where to begin

 

One thing I can say

my story is not complete

I lived my life through hell and high water

I didnt burn nor did I drown

But God has in store, a brighter day