I want to wake up

Not having to remind myself of the past

I want to fall asleep quickly

Without battling with the devils poking at my mind

I want to see my mother smile

I can tell she’s faking: stay strong for the kids

I want to not panic

At the memory of dried flowers and black umbrellas

(Isn’t it fitting that a funeral had rain?)

I want to go back in time

To tell my father everything I held back, the good and the bad

I want to go forward

Let the whole world know how beautiful they are

But mostly what I want to change

Is the complete absence of joy that has suddenly 

Taken over Everything