I should not be bitter
I should not be green
I do not even know my fate
But I see you around the globe
I see you.
I see your charmed life
I see your opportunities
But you do not see
You do not see me
I am below ordinary
I am below average
I did not have what you do
They say it is fair
But it is not
Because I know.
I had no means to establish myself
Yet you were established before birth
At 18 I still do not know myself
But I know.
I know you will be forever ahead.
My story does not match your wealth
I have to work hard
And I am not saying you do not
I am saying it has been easier for you to work hard
I kept away
I kept away to protect my future
But you bought your indulgence and your future.
Is it worth it?
Is it worth going to a place that cherishes well-to-do's
instead of going-to-do's?
Surely I have more passion?
Surely I have more drive?
Or am I predicted to implode due to overworking?
Maybe they want you to have that cushion, that escape.
The bail to pay for your mistakes
perhaps they earn more from it
My mistakes are purely a waste of aid
While my mistakes are losses,
yours are profits.
Perhaps this is my fault
Perhaps because I could not be aware of the ins and outs
and I could not pay someone to light the way.
Perhaps I am less deserving.
Maybe the previous thought of this life
and its potential non-existence drove me not to think
not to find out
and not to know.
I could not become accustomed in the certain case
it would not be true
But it was
And now how am I supposed to a lifelong,
without a doubt,
dedicated in less than a year,
when this was not even supposed to be a possibility?
I am supposed to have accolades,
but for 17 years those accolades were not available
In one year they are
How am I supposed to make up for a lifetime in one year?
I did the best I could for an unstable year.
Will it be good enough?
But there is always a chance
And that chance is driving me insane.