Oh love,

You asked me once if it was me that was using you

Or if it was him.

Not him, I said. Me.

And you stayed silent.

You watched as I smiled while I drowned,

Cut my hands on the shards of my heart,

And burned my face with my tears.

You watched.

Were you angry I gave you away?

With every smile, I fell for him,

With every touch, I melted,

He was everything.

And I was nothing.

Why didn’t you tell me I was tearing myself into pieces?

Why didn’t you speak up, and beg me to let go?

You just sat on his shoulder,

Staring at the shell of me.

You knew he didn’t love me,

Didn’t shiver at my touch,

Didn’t quake at my very glance.

And yet you watched.

You let him use you against me.

1095 days you helped trick me,

Torture me,

Hurt me.

Until I broke.

Until I stood on the edge, rain pouring on my skin.

It washed off the blood, the dirt, the tears.

I was new.

I was empty.

I was alone.

‘You never should have given me to him’,

You said as you found your way back into my heart,

The one I had taped together thousands of times.

Yes, I gave you to him

But only because I was expecting something in return.