When diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, the concept of self is lost.

During mania, I am self-destruction. The euphoria surpasses all that is real. The analogy for mania cannot be demonstrated with an idea or emotion. Looking in the mirror, I am Aphrodite, the goddess of beauty. Every curve of my body, every word spoken is a power higher than god's. I can't control the urge to jump. I want more than I can handle. I want power. I want sex. I want money. I want to fly. I want the people to love me.

Depression is ready to greet the falling soul that is mine. Misery and Agony bring temptation, suicidal thoughts. Every morning is a question of life, should today be my last? Sleeping for hours upon hours reminds me of death, nothing but darkness. The only boundary that separates my desire to die and yearning for a better life are dreams. I want the blade. I want the pain to go away. I want to sleep forever. I can't find one reason to live.

Those previous passages are meant to inform the reader of what Bipolar Disorder can do to a person. The battle is different for every person.

There are numerous ways to keep your emotions under control. I have researched and discovered the logic behind certain coping skills. Personally, my blog is what keeps me going. I'm not in it for the views. If someone like me reads this and is inspired to fight, I feel the satisfaction, the benefits.

Recently, I have decided to create a mood charting system to incorporate into my daily schedule. It may seem like a dumb idea, but I am open-minded. Mood charting, in my opinion, will give me a fair warning before the hell or heaven takes over me. I have different coping skills though. For example, I journal and exercise. (It is imperative that I don't grow an unhealthy obsession, so I try to limit exercise to about 30 minutes everyday.)

If there is any advice I can give to someone suffering like me, it would be to differentiate the symptoms you exhibit from yourself. I am well aware of the fact that I am not god, and that the agony will subside. At this point in time, the concept of my true self and my illness has been intriguing.

Bipolar Disorder is a counterpart of my rationale, it is not who I am.