To Be Weird

By Yen Dinh

To be weird means being different

To be weird means being unusual

Like knives thrown and aim at your expose self

The fear of the blades piercing through your flesh

The blades of social judgement and prejudice

To be weird means being haunt by the insecurities that will always follow

They came out of nowhere like shadows

Those kids who reflect in my eyes

Their presence so strong as if they were defying gravity

Words like “popular”, “cool” or “ratchet” are not needed to describe them

They conceal their humiliation

Like little devils grinning behind their angel masks

They began to devour others’ originality

And replaced them with illusions

 

To be weird means going against the crashing waves

The force that will push you down

And tell you how to be yourself

What I felt wasn’t frustration slamming at the back of my head

A thin blade of ice pierced through my mind

It took me a time to identified this desire

Of wanting to break free from this stone box that is labeled “normal”

A stranger inside me started to stir

I could feel my layers of “normal-ness” slowly being peeled away

Free of chains that had once bound my entire body

Each cell rejects the idea of normal

Only weird and freak scream in my mind

To be weird is not holding back

To be weird is throwing away that hesitation

To be weird is painting colors of your portrait

Being dramatic is like flexing my limbs

Always talking to myself out of habit

Making weird faces

Being random to the very tips of my fingers

Grinning and moving around crazy whenever excitement fills my lungs

At home, my awareness slips off

My mouth makes random beats and rhythms

Weird sounds

Just to annoy my mother and have laughter poke my stomach

Creativity drives me to be different

How amazing it is to be this person

But normality tried to pull me down

Eighth grade year dragged me onto the brink of madness

My existence became a victim of gossip

Words like “weird”, “annoying”, “loud”, “creepy” and “irritating” kept echoing through my being

They’d look at me, their frowns reflecting back

Am I a disgrace to you and your peers?

I seek help from friends only to have betrayal slap my face

Act normal, stay calm and don’t be loud

 

But letting go of my weirdness

Means you’re asking my permission

To rob my individuality

Why should I follow these crumbs of bread that had been placed

Which only leads to the death of my identity?

I refuse to wash away all my colors leaving the canvas blank

Throw your insults

Knock me down and stab me with those words of prejudice

Those chains that bounded my existence to the ground

Will crumble to dust

My wings will spread and take up the vast open space around me

Free of that heavy weight inside

And only leave me flying

This strength still burns

I enjoy being this stranger

So I’ll ask one more time

Why is it important to fit in?

Fitting in makes me feel like you’re willing to be run over by a roller truck

So that you can be cramp in a box with everyone else

 

This part of me was never a flaw to begin with

There is no shame of displaying this character

To be weird means never forgetting who you are

I’m reminded that I don’t have to do what everyone else does