april

you're trying to hide in the snow

but its not working so you're getting mad and

you're cursing but no one’s there and

no ones awake but him and you've ran out of things to tell him

so you're going for a walk

and you're driving to school an hour early so you feel like you have something under control

and you're sweating the answers away from your hands

so you say them out loud instead

you're grabbing for straws and getting hair instead

say hi to the kids while they're smoking

they used to talk but now they've turned away

you used to walk through smoke

hold your breathe and turn away

now you hold your head ahead above the cloud but you're tripping on your feet

you're stuck mid fall

you used to go on walks and have late night talks

but you're staring at the wall and begging it to stop looking at you that way

it’s the way she looked

when it was still warm outside

you fell asleep holding your hand even though your fingers couldn’t touch

and you're running down the hall even though you won’t be able to catch your breath when you stop

you moved too fast you left it behind

so you're laying in the street and you swear to god the street lamps are eyes

and you're trying to remember the way she looked so you can compare it to the stars and make money off your heartbreak

so when you fall apart completely you can still call it art

but your screaming sounds less like singing and you haven't showered in weeks

because there’s too many steps but

you're still running away from what’s eating you

because you swear to god it had eyes

and it makes you beg for someone to look at you that way.

This poem is about: 
Me
My community
My country

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