The shaking of a hand

The shortness of breath

The good days and the bad

 

Not knowing what is coming next

Will I have an attack today? 

Will someone see my hands shake? 

Will I finally fall apart?

 

Everyone says, "stop shaking, and breathe normally"

Yet they do not understand, what is it like

To not even have control of your own hands

 

Calm down 

Breathe

It is not that easy you see

 

Because I have to breathe 

yet my brain does not let me 

It tells me no, you can't do this

You aren't smart enough

You are irrelevant 

 

This is what I came to believe because of my anxiety

I tell myself I can't do it, that I am not smart enough 

And as the week goes there are more bad days than good

 

Be smarter! 

Do better! 

Try harder! 

 

The monster grows and tries to take over me

When it is through with me will I still be me? 

Or will I become my anxiety? 

 

No

 

I will fight back! 

I will not let this monster become me

I will eradicate anxiety from my vocabulary 

 

I will remove all thoughts of self doubt 

I will forget fear

I will become a better me 

 

If it takes days weeks or years 

I will fight

I will never stop 

Until the day there is 

 

No Shaking of a hand

No shortness of breath

Only good days and no bad

 

To be able to breathe

To be able to sit still 

To be able to be just me 

And not my anxiety