go the synapses in my brain.
sorry. I forgot what I was saying.
It's this long term memory
that evades me
once again burning on these finger tips
but never within this grasp
floating away like danelion seeds on the wind
leaving me with an ugly
empty stem of information
Determination means nothing.
Will power won't help me.
Thoughts of mind over matter
Not when my minds fights off its own process of learning
by never allowing a still moment.
These feet? Tapping.
These fingers? Drumming.
Eyes snapping to their peripherals.
Ears picking up sounds without decibles,
constantly keeping my attention divided,
United in a cacophony so caustically vibrant
I can't help but follow the Pied Piper in my mind.
It was a childhood exuberance
turned into adolescent antics
now adulthood issues.
These loose lips sink ships when they trip
over every word or thought.
A sturdy hull cannot be bought.
Holes rot whether I like it or not.
These efforts go for naught
when I can't tie a knot around my thoughts
to keep my mind anchored.
The flutter of a butterfly steals these eyes
for the umpteenth time and I could cry
tears of joy and saddness for the beauty
and the maddness of distractions.
Reactions to each refraction of light
f r a c t u r e all productivity
producing a hollow shell of what could be
if only this dopamine would not evade me.
I feel like I'm crazy because these memories are hazy.
These words escape me
fading from my tongue like camera flashes.
This thought process dashes from crash to crash
trying to bridege the gaps between these synapses.
These shoulders have been creaking and cracking,
groaning and slumping
under the dead weight
under the saddled shame
from failing to sit in place long enough
to have the outlines of these memories traced.
I can't keep pace with the rate at which
these pages are erased,
so I guage my progress though cracked mirrors
and broken meters.
I've got a knack for missing exits.
When I lie out on a living room rug
and watch old Hanna-Barbera cartoons,
I wish these memories wouldn't stutter
the sound of my Mimi calling me in for dinner.