Being a child is a special time

One in which you look up to your guardians

And think - I want to be like them -

As strong as my father

And as kind as my mother

Two immovable forces nothing could deter

 

I wanted to look at the world in their eyes

And know that everything would be all right

As long as I had my family

The fundamental of support

Nothing could tear me or my dreams apart

 

But like all children

I was susceptible to violence and change

As my parents’ love fell apart

The color in my world dulled and died

Leaving nothing but black outlines

 

There was not enough money

Nor time in the world

To bring them together again

And my siblings and I were left

With a family filled with decay

 

One surrounded by mold and toxins

That began to infect all of us with its poisons

The eldest of us took to drugs for his suffering

Partying until his mind fogged over

And cleared with a high only he could float through

 

The middle child had become a monster

Whose touch wandered a little too much

Unafraid of the consequences

That would befall him

If anyone knew how dirty his mind was

 

I was the youngest of us all

A little girl who once had the world laid out by her feet

Who was soon left abandoned

By parents who no longer cared for their family

And now had the world weighing upon my bare shoulders

 

I was nine years old then

A child who knew far too much

About loveless marriage,

Sexual acts,

And how drugs could make one happy

 

I knew too much

Of how cruel this world can be

When everything is out to hurt you

But couldn’t understand

Why it all happened to me

 

It has been nearly ten years since then

And a lot has changed

No longer am I silent when it comes to my pain

No longer do I blame myself

For something I couldn't control

 

 

No longer do I blame myself for the actions of others.