I wrote you poems when my heart was at its best and at it’s worst.

My words precious and gentle were for you

even if you didn’t deserve them or you never knew.

These words were the songs of my soul.

Cheesy and over played at times,

but you still bobbed your head and listened to every rhyme that left my lips.

And all it took was for me to play them for you one time

And you were stuck

I know you found yourself realizing

That the sound of my voice was your new favorite song

My words were for you

Even if you never knew.

At the time I thought they were true.

Marry you, yes I thought I wanted too.

But see I often lose myself in women,

like my mother loses her house keys in her purse.

We are the same that way.

Always taking on too much and losing ourselves in the process.

But never will I ever be ashamed of losing my self to you.

Never be ashamed of how your freckles fell on your face like stars falling out of the sky.

See I tried to hold on to everything you ever touched

but that feather necklace felt more like a noose than

a declaration of your love.  

A love that you traded for something tangible.

Something or should I say someone easily accessible

Easily manageable

And I touched you in ways you know she never could

The words she spit out of her mouth were never as sweet mine

Never quite as good

And I swear

That there are still marks on your chest

From where I pressed

My fingertips roughly against your flesh to find my way back into your heart

Even if it was a mess

And I find

That no matter how many times I wash your jacket

Pieces of you still linger

Embedded in each and every stitch

And every time I put it on I am consumed by it

Like an ocean

I wish I could bring myself

To throw it out like I did the necklace

Like you did me

But id rather die letting your jacket drown me

Than hang myself with your noose like necklace from a tree

But id rather not corrupt an unsuspecting tree

With something like death

Lord knows that its branches have taken as many lives

As it’s very existence has given us breath

You made a fool of me

But a fool is something I will be

To get you to smile again

My wonder woman

My tree hugging farm girl

And my nothing

Anymore