I remember

Late nights with your skin against mine and our breath mingling in the small space between us.

I remember

Cool evenings with the windows rolled down listening to you singing to your favorite song.

I remember

Soft afternoons with a your hand in mine as we walked together along the sidewalk.

 

I remember

The cold floor of your kitchen as I sat there crying when I told you the truth.

I remember

The sharp tone of your voice asking why I would keep it a secret.

I remember

The ache of my heart when you pulled away from me for the last time.

 

I wish things could be different.

I wish I had a reset button

I wish you would stay

I wish I didn’t exist.

 

You told me you needed a break.

You told me you needed to think about it.

You told me you needed space to make up your mind.

You told me you would give me an answer in 6 days.

 

Never in my life has 6 days seemed so long.

6 days seems like a lifetime.

6 days is waiting in agony.

6 days is quickly overwhelming.

6 days isn’t enough time.

 

I could be dead in 6 days.

 

Falling back into bad habits that slowly killed me.

Falling hard into the habits and hoping it’ll kill me quicker.

 

Smoking twice as much as I ever did.

And hoping it kills me.

Never looking to see if there’s oncoming traffic.

And hoping it kills me.

Resisting sleep, no matter what.

And hoping it kills me.

Starving myself of food.

And hoping it kills me.

 

Dying seems more preferable than this 6 day heartbreak.

Not that you’d let me die anyways.