1. Get a job, hold on to it. I am not in the habit of buying liquor for other tummies besides my own.

2. Please, go to school. Get a degree. Smart people have a way of holding intelligently stupid drunk conversations.

3. Get laid often. I don't want you to start harassing women in clubs. And if you are a woman (Please be a woman) get laid often too. I don't want you squealing every time you see flavor shirtless on the screen.

4. Whatever happens, keep wine away from me. If you make me drink ANY kind of wine, I will behead you then successfully plead temporary insanity in court.

5. I am a Vodka guy. Get used to it so we don't have to have those weird Vodka vs. Whiskey debates.

6. I am always going to choose liquor over you. Why? I am always going to prefer its company over yours.

7. You can say anything to me except; a) "Charles, you are drinking too much." b) "You are drunk

8. If you are a chic, NEVER introduce me to your boyfriend. If you are a dude, (Please don't be a dude), Introduce me to your girl.

9. Whatever I say goes. Translation; Always let me win an argument. It'll be better for everyone.

10. Drink too much at your peril.