Why I did not Want To Be Me
There were days when I did not want to claim who I was. If I made that proclomation, then I was admitting to being the poorest kid on the block.
I would of rather been Ash Ketchum, then to be me.
If I claimed to be me, then I would of had to accept that my parents were drug addicts.
I would of rather to be Sora, then to be me.
I felt so ashamed. I felt so inadequate.
If I proclaimed who I was, then I too had to accept that my house had no electric or no water or no heat.
If I proclaimed who I was, then I had to accept that I had no clean socks for school and that my uniform had not been washed in weeks.
I know that my struggles were not me, but we were joint at the hip. Wherever I went so did my overwhelming and disruptive life.
It cast a shadow that was far bigger than I. It overtook my thoughts, my joy, and ultimately the appreciation and sastisfaction of who I was.
Now.
I accepted to me. I accepted my past. I accepted it all.
It wasn't a beautiful acceptance, but it was a step forward.
I would rather be me more than anyone or anything else.
It took awhile to be ''Raheem Curry''
It took a long time to forgive the crackpipes and emotional scars of my parents.
It took awhile to acknowledge the lack of privileges and resources in my life and neighborhood.
I am NO one else, but I.
My scars and hurt and past ALL made me into the man that I am today, and I will never want to trade or give those experiences up again as long as I live.
I am and will always be, Raheem.
The name that my parents chose for me.
In Arabic it means 'merciful' and merciful I shall be.