Dear Dad,

My life was mine until that July,
it was to be my birthday soon.
You grabbed my face and looked me in the eye
told me you loved me without realizing that was goodbye.

It wasn't bye to you, but bye to who I was
An 8 year old who was vulnerable and oblivious.
You took me to that party with the man who was buzzed
and trusted him with your daughter while you drank.

Alcoholism is scary and you still suffer,
but your children were the ones who paid.
You say that my experience would make me tougher,
but the pain of the rape does not fade.

I didn't tell until after 2008
4 years later to be exact.
The district attorney said it might be too late
and he wouldn't be condemned for his acts.

The many acts that occured for 4 years was due to you,
but I never wanted to give blame.
I expected you to believe me too,
But you thought I was lying during confession with his name.

"He's my best friend," "I don't believe you" you said.
All I wanted was a good dad and nothing more
Every emotion in me felt dead.
But you were too busy blaming the daughter who you called a whore.

I suffer every day but I can't tell,
It's been 5 years since the last incident and I still cry.
If I whined to you, you would yell.
It's become my ritual when asked how I am... to lie.

I guess my point is that you created my fate
After leaving me alone with a 33 year old man in 2008.

I harbour this anger towards you but I act like everything is fine,
But the matter of fact is everything I feel is the opposite of divine.

I still love you, I really do,
But for your father skills I would say boo.

This letter is done, my grief is shared,
From your daughter, who wishes you cared.