Dear Lovers
Dear lovers,
Im sorry i haven’t been a good daughter
Sister
Girlfriend
lately
You see
You meant so much to me
But Ive been learning that love is like a tree
It grows from a tiny seed
The roots take to the soil
And coil
And grow strong
But I havent
You see
What i mean is that love has to be rooted deep
Not in the people you want
But in yourself
The only true person you need
I kept trying to stretch my branches over you
I kept trying to bloom for you
I kept trying to keep my heart beating for you
But i couldnt
Because i didnt love you
Because i didnt love me
You see
Im mostly sorry to me
For not taking time to give myself what i would need
You see
Ive been reflecting
I stare in the mirror and see the things
That made me, me
More than my mothers nose
More than my fathers eyes
I see the love
you
My parents
Bestowed unto me
But the love i came to see
Was just constant arguing & Withholding custody
You told me who was the enemy
And soon i learned
That it was everybody
And I still cry at night
Because also bestowd upon me
More than my mothers cheating tendencies
More than my fathers switching personalities
Was the evil things youve exposed about one another
To me
To justify your dire needs
To show you truly were what was best for me
You see
They say that one rotten apple
ruins the barrel
My apple doesnt fall far from the twisted trees
My parents produced more fruits
but with different seeds
I run through orchards and pick whatever best suits me
You see
My brothers and sisters
I have failed in my thoughts
and my actions
In what I have done
And what I have failed to do
How I failed to tell you
Just how much I cherished you
And I ran away before I could help
On your biggest days
And advise you to a smarter way
You see
I think I know which path to take
Ive been down each loving mistake
Scribbling out the memory
Of each boy’s heart
That I didnt mean to break
You see
Each of them etched into my being
Burrowed in my memories
Burrowed into my pants
Before I had to chance
To decide if I was truly ready
You see
In the end i pushed them and you away
The only things that loved me
In my dire state
And you see
I look in the mirror
And I see a better me coax me nearer
Whispering like rustling leaves
Your time of self love is here
-love Mykael