and i can't love you the way i should

the way you deserve

though i want to

i'm just scared

scared that loving me,

the broken mess that i am,

will leave this black mark on your soul,

one blemish on your brightness,

and i would never forgive myself

if i were the thing to bring you down

so i push you away

and regret every second of it

because i can't let you love me

not the way i want you to

because it feels like cheating

i hate myself

and i love you

but i can't be the reason you switch those around

and be broken like me

you deserve so much more

more than my patchwork heart

stitched together with misery

you can't possibly be happy with me

yet you smile whenever i can bear to meet your eyes

who are you to love me

to look at me, not through me

and ignore it all

i don't deserve you

yet still i hope

that i could, one day